Venting … gossip’s brother

Matthew 18:15 – 17 (NIV)
“If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.”

OK … I’m going to generalize here.  So, if this angers you, I am politely asking you to get over it. 

Whenever the talk of gossip comes up, or whenever you read comic strips about gossip, it always seems to involve women.  This – by no means – mean that men are exempt from the snares of gossip.  However, this seems to be the accepted truth in what we read, see and hear in public.  It is almost as if this is a weakness that only affect women because we men are so much above that. (BALONEY!!!)

Men simply gossip in a different way than women.  It’s not gossip because it is what they DID TO US … not necessarily what they DID.  It’s called VENTING!

Have you have had anyone that just wanted to VENT to you in order to better understand what they were dealing with, or better yet, to avoid taking their anger out on someone else, or because it would do no good to go to the other person because they are an idiot.  I have been VENTED to, and I have VENTED!  Guilty!  But I know for a fact that I am not alone.

It is time we rise above.  No more venting.  That’s really all I have to say about that.  Just stop.  Read Matthew 18:15 – 17 again, meditate on it, memorize it, do whatever it takes to get that truth into your brain.  Just stop VENTING!

The weak person vents.  It is very easy to do.

The strong person goes to the brother who has offended (or seems to have offended).  It is very difficut to do.
It is a difficult life the Christian must live, but if we live it as God has instructed us to live it … it is the abundant life promised to us by Christ.

John 10:10 (NIV):
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

A Husband’s Responsibility

First, this post is for men.  My hope is you will find encouragement to do the hard things to make your marriage work.  Women – feel free to read.  However, this is NOT intended for you to use against your husband as a battering ram.

Here’s the skinny – if you marriage isn’t working, it’s probably your fault.

I use the word “probably” above because there are some rare (but few in my opinion) situations where this is not true.

Let’s kick this off with some scriptures.
Genesis 3:16 (NIV)
Then he said to the woman, “I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth.  And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.

By sharing this verse, I am not trying to give you more reason to try and treat your wife as a slave … or to “put her in her place.”  If you have this attitude, then we’ve already discovered your problem.  Stop here … ask God to forgive you for your sins of treating your wife badly, then come back and finish reading.

By sharing this verse, I am pointing out a responsibility that God has placed on man.  To “rule over” our wives should not be equaled with “king of the world.”  Rather, it should point out how much God is going to hold you responsible for your wife and everything about her.  So, our role comes with a GREAT responsibility.

Check out these verses from the NT:

Ephesias 5:21, 25 – 27 (NLT)
And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 
…
For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her  to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.  He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault.

I skipped verses 22 – 24 on purpose.  Those verses talking about the wife submitting to the husband, but your focus shouldn’t be on what she is supposed to do, but rather on what you are supposed to do.  And even if we were to discuss this, how you understand submission may be totally wrong any way.  My wife does a great job of explaining this.  Maybe she will someday, and then, I’ll point you to her post.

My reason for going here today is because of some wise counsel I received early on.  Someone was telling me about words of wisdom he had heard from some other guy about the man’s role in marriage.  Let me try to get this straight …

Man: My wife is the most irritating person in the world.  She nags at me all the time.  She’s always picking fights with me.  She doesn’t show me any respect ever.  She’s just impossible to be around.

Counselor: Why would you marry a woman like that?

Man: She wasn’t like that when I married her.

Counselor: Then, what did you do to her?

Point of this story: If we follow the guidance from Ephesians 5 above – “love your wives, just as Christ loved the church” - we will have a thousand more reasons for loving our wives today than we had when we got married.  We will be able to say, “This is not the woman I married” and be glad about it … and her too.  Because she will be EVEN MORE the woman that God wants her to be.

BOTTOM LINE:

If your marriage is rocky, if your wife is more irritating to you than you like, if it seems she is just out to make you miserable … you should probably stop trying to find her faults and get out your mirror.  If you will truly practice what is written in Ephesians 5 above, I firmly believe that over time, you will begin to see just how beautiful and lovely your wife truly is.  Your attitude affects her attitude!  Simple as that …

Practical advice:

• Stop being selfish.  Better yet, practice being selfless.
• Fix your faults.  Don’t even focus on her faults.
  If you think you don’t have faults, talk to me for a little bit, and I’ll help you find them. 
• Pray to God.  Ask him to show you your faults.  Ask him for strength.
  You will need strength as you begin to recognize and accept your role as husband.
• Read some books.  There are plenty of great ones out there.  Start with “The Five Love Languages” maybe.
• Work, work, work on your marriage.  If you want it to be good, then you will work.
• Gather godly men around you to pray for you and to hold you accountable for your actions toward your wife.

Bottom line for me is … if things aren’t good at home, it’s usually my fault.  If I find out what I am doing wrong and work on that … my marriage always seems to improve.  Go figure.

I think you will find the same thing to be true for you.

Go with God,
Donald B

Commute

Commute is a word I never used before I moved to Washington, DC. Even at Randolph AFB in San Antonio, TX … I never used the word “commute”. I walked to work most days. Church was just a half mile up the road.

In Montgomery, 15 minutes was a long ride, but we still did not talk about our commute to work or anything like that. There was this one lady that moved out of Montgomery but continued to work with us. Her drive was 45 MINUTES!!! ONE WAY!!! That was forever!

What I would do for a simple 45 minute drive to work today. For those of you that are fortunate enough to live in a place where everything is within a 15 minute drive, the word “commute” is a word that those of us that live in the big city areas use to describe our drive into and away from work. And for most, it is a miserable thing.

The fact that we have a “commute” to and from work inevitably roles over into our personal life as well. Unfortunately, there are still millions of people living in this area who have to go to Walmart and the grocery store on Saturday just like you. Therefore, your personal life is effected by the “commute”. However, we don’t call that a “commute” … no … that’s more of a “hassle”.

I’m still trying to figure out why I started writing this blog … so, I’m going to try and take it into the spiritual realm now.

1 Corinthians 9:21 – 23 (NIV)
To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God’s law but am under Christ’s law), so as to win those not having the law. To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings.

How does this verse connect to the word commute in any form???

It’s like this. Understanding that we use the word “commute” in the DC area, but not in the Montgomery, AL area should seriously affect the way you do church. Who are you ministering to? Who are you trying to reach? What are their lives like? What is important to them?

Here … the most important thing people have is time. But time is important everywhere. I guess the difference is that when we plan ministry events here, depending on what day and time we schedule the event, we could be eating up more than 3 hours of a person’s personal life … whereas in a city where 15 minutes is a long way, you may only be requiring 1.5 hours of time. It all adds up after a while.

So … the whole point of this jabbering. If you want to effectively minister where you are, KNOW ABOUT where you are. Know about what’s important to those that ARE where you are? YOU change in order to meet their needs.

Enough said (probably too much)!

Go with God,
Donald B

Where do you attend church???

And why do you go to that church?

I have been in Biloxi, MS attending the NCO Academy at Keesler AFB since April 17th.  I will be leaving here and heading home on May 25th.  This time covers 5 Sundays.

My first plan was to attend a different church each Sunday.  I found the first one in Pensacola, FL.  It was Harvest Church.  As a matter of fact, there’s a link to it in my links area.  I enjoyed the church very much.  However, 2 hours is a long way to drive.  So, I decided to try and find something local.

On the 2nd Sunday, I ended up at an Assemblies of God church.  I must admit … had I known it was Assemblies of God, I would not have attended.  Reason – I vehemently disagree with the doctrine of being baptized in the Holy Spirit AFTER I have been saved.  Nonetheless, I really enjoyed this church.  I only knew it was Assemblies of God because the youth pastor mentioned that a youth was no longer allowed to attend because the youth’s parents disagreed with that same belief.

As I was having no luck finding the kind of church that I knew I would like to attend … something like Harvest Church in Pensacola, I decided to try the old standard … First Baptist Church of Biloxi.  Brief history of my church life – Through kindergarten (I think) I went to the Methodist church that my grandparents on my Dad’s side attended.  I remember Momma crying coming home from church one day … and we never went back.  Still don’t know why to this day.  In 4th grade, we began attending the First Baptist Church of Dayton, TN.  I got saved there!  Went to a non-denominational church on and off (on and off as I dated the different girls in the church) through college.  In college, I tried out all kinds of churches.  I attended a charismatic church for some time (interesting story there).  I attended a Presbyterian church for a while.  And I attended an Assemblies of God church for a while.  The church I finally ended up in on a permanent basis was the First Baptist Church of Franklin, TN.  I really LOVED this church!

In the Air Force, I attended Taylor Road Baptist Church in Montgomery, AL … the First Baptist Church of Universal City, TX … and in DC, we started at a non-denominational church, but then ended up at Calvary Road Baptist church.  The church I am in now is a church plant that I have been with from the beginning.  It ended up being a Southern Baptist church as well.    My point for sharing this with you is to point out that I have a strong Southern Baptist background.

Why does that matter?  Because it affects where I attend church.

What you can’t see from the names of these churches are how different these churches were.  Some were suit and tie kind of churches (of which I was constantly looked down upon as I continued to NOT wear ties).  Some were a little more relaxed.  Some used hymns all the time.  Some went with the more upbeat music.

 I have no idea where I am headed with this.  I’ll try to get a point out now …

My preference for a church is a place where I can wear whatever I want (within reason) and be comfortable.  I also want more upbeat praise music (but not rock and roll).  I also want relevant and good preaching.  And I want to be able to teach a Bible study.  A good youth group and children’s ministry is key as I have 6 kids.  And others.

But what if I were immediately transferred to Biloxi, MS.  There is not a church anything like the church I attend now.  I love the church I attend now.  What will I ever do if I am moved away?  To a place like Biloxi?

ANSWER:  I will find a church that is following God and get plugged in!

While it is true that the FBC of Biloxi is nothing like my current church.  What is true about FBC of Biloxi is that they are following God.  They are working toward being the kind of church that God wants them to be.  Worship happens there.  God is being glorified!

My point is that while I may never find that perfect church that satisfies all of my preferences, I would be a fool to never hook up with a church for that reason.  So … what do I look for in a church …

1 – DOCTRINE.  Do they believe MOSTLY like I believe.  I say mostly because … for example … they may take a stronger stance on alcohol than I would.  To drink or not to drink is NOT a matter of saved or not saved … so, I get passed that.

2 – PEOPLE.  Do the people of the church love God?  Do the people of the church love visitors?  Are they friendly?  Are they inviting?  Are they excited to be there?

3 – GROWTH.  Do I sense that they are growing in the Lord?  This one takes some time to determine.  But you can see the answer if you look for it.

4 – MONEY.  Are the people giving?  If the people aren’t giving, that’s usually a good sign that the church isn’t following God.  If they are giving … good things are probably happening.

Those are 4 good starters.  I’m sure I could come up with more, but my fingers are getting tired.

Remember this last thing …

Hebrews 10:25 (NIV)
Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

Go with God,
Donald B